I'm learning how to count to 10 again.A funny thing for a gal in her late twenties to be re-learning.
We have a built in sensor system, called emotions. When something triggers us, it's as though a little light starts to blink inside, and that light represents a feeling. Each light corresponds to a different emotion, and they help us put words to our experiences, and name them. Emotions are deeply important to being human.
Emotions are also tricky, because you often can't control when one(s) hit you. Emotions can come on quickly, and without warning. They can flood us right away, and very immediately put us in a fog. They can make your sensors light up fast!
When you're feeling so intensely about something, it's easy to act impulsively, almost explosively, because you just want it out or solved, but more often than not, our inability to hold that emotion in for a moment, causes pain in our relationships. Our desire to solve the problem is good, but there has to be a better way to get from pain to solution. A bridge of some sort.
That bridge, in my opinion, is called a pause. We may not be able to control how we feel about something, but we can certainly control how we respond to it. When we choose to respond hastily in the heat of an intense emotion, we run the risk of damaging each other. It's amazing how letting your feelings settle first, changes everything.
I'm easily startled, easily frustrated with my kids, and easily
overwhelmed with the craziness of being a mom, wife, aunt, friend, and
frankly... a human being. Don't get me wrong, life is good, I'm just
trying to figure it out, still. I'm grateful that growth works in process, and that new areas where
growth is needed, are revealed in bits at a time, because if I'm
overwhelmed at the mere fact that I exist, then I certainly couldn't do
well, if everything I ever needed to work on was just piled on me at
once. Learning to pause, has become a theme for me recently. Counting to ten when I'm overwhelmed, angry, or hurt, has saved me from regret. It's not an art I've mastered yet- I need major adjustments with my attitude towards my kids- but I'm certainly more aware of the value in stopping before responding.
Your "pause" could be a literal ten seconds in the height of your frustration, or it could be more figurative... Letting a call go to voice mail first, and calling back after your thoughts are gathered. Taking a few days before you send or respond to an email, or walking out of a room gracefully when you are feeling like you are going to burst. Whatever the situation and whatever the emotion, it's always easier to come back and say "ok, I'm ready to talk about this rationally now," instead of, "I'm sorry I said that, please forgive me." Spare yourself the regret, and take a deep breath.
Learning to count to ten when I was younger, was far easier than the kind of counting to ten I'm learning to do now, but I'd rather be preventative instead of regretful. I'd rather think now, instead of be sorry later. I'd rather speak last, than speak too quickly, first. I'd liked to be known for thoughtfulness in my words, instead of impulsiveness.
Be slow to speak.
