The Identity Games: Taking Care of Yourself
Wow, this has been such a week of learning, growing, and good reminders for me.
Jenny and I thought it would be great to end this series on positive note, one of encouragement and hope, so we are going to be talking about taking care of yourself.
I feel passionately about this topic, because it's very personal to me.
To start I'll give you a little background on my story...
I've mentioned before that I have a lot of anxiety, and have dabbled with depression. Those two struggles for me have come about full force in the last two and half years. Looking back, I think that I have always been anxious and easily panicked, but never had I experienced the intensity of my anxiety more than I have in the last few years. There's a lot of factors to the timing and reasons why things reared their head when they did, but the bottom line is that I had a rude awakening that unless I start taking better care of myself, I was not going to get through my seasons of anxiety. I had to start learning my triggers, putting pieces together, and most importantly, I had to learn how to prevent my anxiety from flaring as much as I could, by taking care of myself. It has been a tough journey, and LOTS of trial and error with figuring out what I really need, but I feel like I've figured a few things out. I wanted to take this post to tell you the five ways that I now try to take care of myself, and how they've helped me become stronger, more well-rounded, and gotten me through some of the most intense times of my life.
Regardless if you suffer from anxiety or not, isn't the point. The point is that no matter who you are and what your life looks like, everyone needs to take care of herself no matter what your story is. Each way of taking care of yourself, that I'll explain, may take different forms and be manifested differently in each of us, but I believe that the bottom line of each thing listed, is what matters.
Here are the 5"Rs" to taking care of yourself...
REST
We live in a culture that says you have to go non-stop, juggle a bajillion things at once, and work until the job is done. Taking a break is not an option, and busy is better.
I cannot live like that. I have found that when I don't get the rest I need, I am horrible mother and wife, and get super anxious. Feeling fatigued is an anxiety trigger for me. This lady needs lots of rest. Sometimes that's sleeping, and sometimes it's just sitting down watching a show or reading a book, but I
need my rest. I've realized that we don't give ourselves permission to rest enough. We feel guilty if we say we need a break, and we're told we are lazy or unproductive if we don't accomplish a trillion things in one day. I say that's bologna. We can't do things well, be thoughtful, have good judgment, or function at our best, if we don't rest.
So, I've given my permission to ask for the rest I need, sleep when my kids are napping, and go to bed early if I need to...AND to not feel guilty for it. I tell you, resting, and not feeling guilty about it, is incredible. When I wake up or finish whatever "resting" is for me that day, I feel like a whole new person, ready to take on whatever is in front of me.
Don't feel guilty for resting. Pause, slow down, and quiet your world for little bit.
I promise it's ok, and that you'll be better for it.
REGULATE
Funny how I just talked about how I over-indulge with my eating out of comfort in my
last post, and now I'm going to talk about regulating what you eat. I promise this will make sense, though.
I used to eat huge lunches, with just as big of a "sweet" on the side. It could be oreos, ice cream, cookies, anything. I just LOVED my sweets. I would crave it in the afternoon big time. Well, when I started to get bad anxiety, I started to feel really panicky after I would eat my lunch. I finally went to the doctor about my anxiety, and she warned me about eating sweets in the afternoon, and to be aware of getting the "munchies." It didn't take me long to realize that I needed to cut out any kind of sugar in the afternoon, since having something sweet in the afternoon became a trigger of anxiety for me.
I've never been more grateful for that knowledge. For two years I have cut a lot of sugar out of my diet from the time I wake up until after dinner. For some reason, sweets at night doesn't bother my system, and that's the only time I have them, but anytime before that, the sugar messes with me really bad. It ended up being such a good thing to know because I got pregnant with my son shortly after I cut sugar out, and it significantly helped the health of my pregnancy. Losing weight was absolutely NOT the goal, I just wanted to feel normal again, and not get panicked and anxious at the drop of a dime, but I did end of losing about 10-15 pounds on top of post pregnancy weight, because I wasn't taking in as much sugar, but the main thing was that I started to feel a little more together, my son was likely much healthier, and I had a healthier outlook on my eating- at least the timing of sugar intake part :).
I'm not excited that it took anxiety to help me quit my "throughout the day" sugar craving, but I am grateful that it woke me up.
It's amazing how what you eat affects your body. I know I'm stating the obvious, but I am amazed at how real it's been for me in the last two years. I don't have perfect eating habits, by any means, but I've got this part down, for sure. My body and mind have changed, therefore, it needs different things.
Listen to your body, and regulate what you eat and when. Don't deprive, just regulate. Have balance and know what makes your body feel gross, and what makes your body feel good.
Take care of yourself with what you eat.
REWARD
This is just as important as regulating. Sometimes it's the best when you treat yourself to something that you love. Whether it's yummy dessert, delicious meal, a pedicure, getting your hair done. It feel goods to reward yourself for accomplishments, long weeks, etc.
Sometimes it's even a good way to take care of yourself.
Don't be afraid to pat yourself every once in awhile and do something special for yourself.
RECHARGE
We are like a battery, we run and go, and run and go, but eventually we lose power and shut down if we don't plug ourselves in and recharge. This is a crucial part in taking care of yourself. Recharging can look like a million different things, because it's tailored to our personalities and our likes/dislikes. Recharging and resting can be similar, but the difference is the recharging doesn't necessarily have to be down time or quiet. It is for me, but I know that's not the case with everyone. Some people like to exercise, some like to read, some like to craft, some like to bake, some go to counseling, some like to do creative projects, some like to go to a sporting event, some like to play sports, some like time with friends, and some like to obsessively clean (*cough*me*cough*). It can even be a mix of lots of different things, but the point is that whatever gives you energy, and provides you the "recharging" you need, do it. Don't feel guilty about it. We all need time to do something that we love. I know I joked around with about cleaning, and that is true about me, but my favorite ways to recharge, are to go for a walk outside, have dinner/coffee with a good friend, and write. Those are things that I know to keep me going, and fill me up. Without those things, I would have hard time being "on" all the time.
What do you do to recharge? Find it, and allow yourself the space to do it.
RETREAT
I am an introvert, and thrive off of time by myself, but even the most extroverted person needs time to just be alone. This is HUGE for me. I need time by myself, time to think, pray, ponder, sit still, and just be. I need to get away sometimes. I wish I could afford to send myself on a trip and get away for an entire weekend, but that's not the season of life I am in. Even though I can't escape to an awesome place alone, there are others ways I've learned to do that. Taking a walk all by myself, going to starbucks just to sit for awhile, asking to not be responsible
for taking care of the major kid stuff one night.
Whatever "getting away" and "retreating" looks like to you, it's important that everyone allows themselves the time to be alone, no matter what kind of personality you have.
Some need it more than others, but there's no exception; we all need to
be by ourselves sometimes.
I think of taking care of yourself as a cycle. Each "R" serves a purpose on their own, but all the "Rs" work great together. If you constantly doing each of these things, you are being proactive and preventative, instead of waiting for your breaking point. I believe practicing each "R" and committing to knowing yourself minimizes stress, fatigue, and irritability.
I believe you end up feeling most yourself, and the most balanced.
The goal is to find your rhythm, and be able to read yourself, so you know what
you need, and can read yourself.
Even with all my struggles of not getting enough sleep because of kids, over-indulging at night with my sugar, having a limited window of recharge time, and it being nearly impossible for me to take a long period of time to retreat, I still feel the most well-rounded I ever have.
Want to know why?
It's because I know myself better than I ever have before. I've taken a huge amount of time figuring myself out for this phase of my life- mostly because I was forced to, and I feel grounded because of that. Knowing what I need, has given me the ability to ask for what I need,
and in return, I'm, given what I need.
The awareness matters, knowing yourself matters, and taking care of yourself is non-negotiable.
The best things you can do for yourself, is take time for you. Contrary to how you may feel, or what you may have been taught, it's not selfish to know what you need and take it. In fact, it's self-less, because it allows you to come back with more energy and power to love those around you really well.
If I've learned anything in the last few years it's that our minds and our bodies are intricately connected and deeply intertwined. They work together, and we can't separate them.
I've been reminded of that this week too, as most of what we've talked about can be linked to how you are thinking. Our thoughts dictate our actions, and our actions define our life. The healthier our mind, the healthier our body. They go together, and cannot be separated.
All of the "Rs" are important alone, and different days/circumstances will allow for more and less emphasis to be put in certain areas, but overall, the "5 Rs" flow together. They are all connected. Our minds and bodies are connected. We need to nurture both and not feel guilty about it.
I think
Jenny and I will do a recap post in the next few days to wrap everything up from this series, but I just wanted to say that I have loved blogging with
Jenny and getting the opportunity to share our hearts about issues and ideas that really matter to us.
If you take anything from the whole week, I hope it's that you know are loved, you matter deeply, and you being "you" is more than enough; it's perfect.
Discovering, loving, and being yourself is the best thing you can for yourself and others.
Don't let anyone take the uniqueness that only you possess- especially yourself.
This world needs you.
Head over to
Jenny's page, as she gives you her perspective on taking of yourself.
She is a class act, a woman who is confident in her own skin, loves deeply, and is a huge encouragement to others...including me. I'm so grateful to have gotten the chance to do this with Jenny, and am even more grateful for the awesome friendship we've developed. Thanks, Jenny! I love you!
If you want to catch up on the most recent posts click
here and
here.
You can also watch our intro videos, to this series,
here and
here, if you are just joining us.
It's been an absolute honor
~Jessica
