A Little Worry Goes a Long Way

I am certain that worrying and comparing can go hand in hand. At least in my life they do. The more I worry about my circumstances- whatever it may be at that time- the more I start to stack myself against someone else and their life. Awful huh? Well, in the spirit of self discovery, which for me, comes from being honest, here's the truth: I worry and compare, worry and compare, until my mind is overloaded (which doesn't take much, since it's almost to full capacity all the time, from my mind never shutting off), and that then turns to the "worst game ever" to quote my last post. I'm trying rid myself of the toxicity I believe it brings into my life, so I thought, what better way to do that, than to be transparent?

I, Jessica, worry and compare, and am a "worrying-compare-aholic."

That felt good.

I was asked the other day, "What does worrying do to you?" I responded, "It zaps the joy out of my day." Then I was asked, "What would you think about if you didn't worry?" Brilliant question, to which I responded, "I don't even know."

What a concept for me to take seriously... That I'm so consumed with worry I can't even imagine my thought life without it. Yikes! I firmly believe that your thoughts ultimately shape your choices, and I certainly don't want to be incapable of making healthy choices, which worrying the way I do, can lead me to.

Here's another very true concept that I've been thinking about after last week's sermon at church. "What you resist, will persist. You must completely turn your back." You can insert that idea into anything that you struggle with. If you're trying to stop biting your nails, and all you're doing is standing with your hand in front of your face, saying "I won't bite them, I won't bite them, I won't bite them," the desire to bite your nails is just persisting. Instead, you have to cut your entire hand off. Just kidding....You do have to turn your back, though, and completely think about something else. For me, that is no different when I worry. If I am worried about something to the point that it's consuming, I need to completely redirect my thoughts to something else. It's a tough process, and I'm no where near having that conquered, but I'm on the road. As the wise Dr. Phil (and any good counselor) would say, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." Agreed. I've had to acknowledge to myself, that I worry too often, which turns into nasty comparison. At least the first step is done.

Here's the other thing I realized about myself. If I'm not worried about one thing, I'm worried about something else. Could it be that worrying is comforting to me, because it's become so familiar? That my mind is so used to worrying, that it has to be retrained to not worry to the point of "all consumption?" Is it possibly masking something else that I really need to be focusing on in my life? Like my pride and insecurities, maybe? That was brought up to me this week too. Also a brilliant thought.

What does worrying mask for you?

I am trying to be more self-aware when I do worry, and not let it get out of hand. It's a combination of my anxious personality, having real things to care about, and not having a brain that shuts off. But it's a lethal combination if left unattended. For me, just putting words to how I am, helps me figure out what's next and/or how to take care of myself. I also have to remind myself, that there hasn't been a time where I haven't been taken care of, and continue to reflect on/think of past provision in my life. How easily and often I forget the amazing and creative ways my life has come together. When I hold onto those things, my worry dissipates. Why don't I do that first?!

Really, I just want to care about what matters. I want to have eternal thinking, I want to be more generous, I want to love people better, and I want to discover myself more, I want to live in the present. Those are the things that matter and last. Of course there are things we have to plan and care about, but I'm talking about serious worry. See, we're only guaranteed today anyway, so worrying about tomorrow, the next day, or the next week to the point of "all consumption," robs you of the beauty of today. I want to see the beauty in the day and turn my back from the all consuming worry that snowballs into all sorts of other destructive thoughts.

I want to think about what matters.

Matthew 6: 25-34 holds me together, and gives me comfort. I'll end with it.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

    

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."