The Worst Game Ever

You want to know the worst, most destructive game ever? The comparison game. I hate this game, yet I find myself playing it all the time. I can't speak for men, but I would say that this game is predominantly played between women.

For some reason this theme of "comparing," or better, the damage comparing does, has been popping up in my life particularly the last few weeks, making me painfully aware of how often I play that game. Being honest, I'll admit that this is an area in my life where I need to be in check. It serves no purpose and only takes me away from the joys and gifts that I know I have been given.

 Anything can be compared. Motherhood, kids, husbands, friendships, creativity, homes, cars, weight, looks, status, intelligence, skills, anything. We manipulate the truth in our head to make the outcome favorable to us. That's pride. Or the comparing makes us feel so inadequate, like we can't live up to what we're seeing, that we end up feeling insignificant and invaluable.

What am I trying to live up to anyway? Is it a real expectation that all people are supposed to live by, or some unspoken standard or "place" you should be at, by a certain time in your life? What is "normal" anyway? All of these questions run through my head when I sit and evaluate myself. My answer is this...

There is no standard or "norm." It's me creating the expectation, that I then don't live up to, caused by my insecurity in whatever situation I'm in at the time of comparing, in an attempt to make sense of  my life or circumstance. It's selfishness, pride, insecurity, and it's a joy-sucker.

In truth, it's all relative. We all have a story, we all have different circumstances, we all have different ambitions, we all have different personalities, we all have different strengths and weakness, we were all created uniquely. "Comparing is thief of joy" and robs me of the beauty in my life and keeps me from being content with exactly who and where I am. Living up to standards are already a challenge for anyone, and that's why there is grace. If Jesus can offer us grace, then hopefully we can offer that others. And in this particular situation, ourselves, by not comparing, and focusing on truth.

I love this verse. Philippians 4:8-9

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

What a simple, yet profound answer to the struggle with contentment. Will I be able to live in that grace and contentment everyday? Probably not. After all, I am imperfect and a constant work in progress. Will I ever be able to get to a place where I never compare? Probably not. But, it's about being aware of it in my life and finding strength and freedom in who and what I'm created to be and standing in what is true.

See, I am never going "win" at this game. There are only two options, and both are awful. I can either compare myself to someone else to make me feel better, birthing pride and arrogance, or I can spend time beating myself up and feeling less than, invaluable, and insecure. They are both destructive and add nothing beneficial to my life.

I bring this whole thing up, not only because it's relevant in my life, but because it's relevant in many lives of people I care about, so I thought it might be relevant to anyone reading this. I have been, and probably will be again at some point, on each side of the comparison game. Neither are healthy, and I want the wholeness and peace that comes from health. Ironically enough, it seems the more grounded I become, the less there is to compare to. Becoming grounded is a process, it will be life long, but it's about the willingness to be self-aware and "tuned up." Each step I take that makes me understand who I am, the more I realize I don't want to be anyone else, anywhere else. That's a nice place to be, even if only for a moment. Maybe as I grow and learn more, those moments will become longer.

Here's to being content and joyful exactly where you are.