Yesterday was my 27th Birthday.
It was a lovely day.
I wanted to write something about being another year older, share some things you don't know about me, or do some sort of cool "27" something.
Then, I realized this year has been monumental for me.
I've learned more in this year of my life, than any other year I can remember.
And you know what, I'm proud of myself. I've done lots of work and soul searching this year that has shaped who I am right now. Being proud and being prideful are different. See, I KNOW I am not who I am right now, because of myself, alone, so there is no boasting about fending for myself. I am proud, in an accomplished sort of way, feeling like I can see where I've come from and like it way better here, where I am now, as a result of long journey. THAT is worth being/feeling proud of.
I hope the longing for knowledge, wisdom, and adventure never stops in me, for that is what has propelled me this year.
So, I'm going to share with you what I learned about myself and life this year, because I think it's important remember what's made you, you.
Without further ado, here are the "27 Things I've Learned This Year."
1) Stuff Doesn't Matter
To paint a picture for you, we started out last September with a futon for a main couch, and a 20 year old love seat that we put a couch cover on. When we moved back to Seattle from Phoenix, we gave everything away. We had no other living room furniture, hardly anything matched, and it just didn't feel like a home to me. I guess in the pursuit of a "perfect" home, it's easy to chase after what doesn't matter. Because what's "perfect" anyway. We've had a year of simplifying, getting rid of things, and not having a lot. But, I do have a lot; it's just focusing on the right "have." This year has taught me that what I own does not define my worth, and "things" really and truly do not matter. It' funny, just as I learned that, we started the remodel of our new place. Talk about gratitude.2) Love Is A Choice
There is no force in love, otherwise it ceases to be love. Love can extend to any relationship. There were days this year, where I did not like my husband, and did not like my kids. BUT I never stopped loving them. That's hard work. I failed miserable many days to love them well, but I never gave up on them, or on working through the tough things that life throws at us. You choose to love, you choose to stay, you choose to commit, and it's a daily choice. You won't ever regret loving, though. Even in its hardest days. This year had many lessons and moments I had to choose to love when I didn't want to, and many moments I didn't pass. I imagine that's why God's grace is so beautiful to me. He's loves no matter how unlovable we are sometimes. I am sometimes.
3) Writing And Reading Is Therapy For Me
Yup, my love for writing, studying, reading, and more writing has been renewed. It's awakening my heart soul, and mind. It's something I don't ever want to stop doing.
4) People Are The Most Important Part Of This World
I have been extended more grace, compassion, and love than I deserve. The realization of that undeserved, yet unconditional love, has compelled me to look at people differently. We all need grace, compassion, and love, and it's my job to do that, in my world, as best as I can. Everyone has a story that makes them up, and we need to look at the whole person, not just the present. People matter. We're all connected. We need each other. We all need love without judgment. I've been given free love, now I need do the same for others.
5) Taking Care Of Myself Is Crucial I have learned that I need lots of sleep, lots of quiet, and lots of time to myself. Now, since I'm a mom, those things don't come naturally. I have to ask for them. I've given myself permission to not feel guilty for asking for what I need. Funny, how when you ask nicely, and communicate kindly, you usually get what you ask for.
6) Worry And Fear Suck The Life Out Of Me
I've spent a lot of my time and seasons of life worrying and fearing things I can't control. I'm a catastrophic thinker at times. This year brought a huge realization for me that I am bound by fears and worry. I'm still working on it, but I feel the most free I've ever felt. I don't want to live in fear.
7) My Mind Is Powerful
Ok, I can't move things from across the room, but what I do mean, is that I've realized how much influence my thoughts have over my life. I need to protect myself from what I see and hear, because those images, and words turn into thoughts, stick with me, and if I'm not careful about what I'm taking in, I'll be affected for weeks. I'm really sensitive to certain things, and have had to set boundaries for myself about what I take in. I'm so glad to know this about myself now.
8) Peace Is Not Overrated
There is a certain kind of peace that cannot be explained rationally. In my moments of fear, anxiety, and worry, I have also experience beautiful moments of peace that can only be a result of something divine. I'm the most peaceful I've been in years, and it feels amazing.
9) Joy Surpasses Happiness
Happiness is circumstantial. Joy is deep seeded and outlasts circumstances. This year, more than I ever, I can truly say that I have found joy.
10) Gratitude And Generosity Changed My Life
It's amazing when people step in and give without strings, just because they love. We would not be where we are today without the generosity of my parents. They built a home for us, take our kids when we need a break, and help when we need groceries or gas. Without their generosity, I would not know what gratitude feels like. That gratefulness always brings me back to Christ, knowing without Him, really none of what has been provided for us, would be.
11) Don't Be Too Stubborn To Ask For Help
Guess what? I love being in counseling. There is such wisdom and perspective in talking with someone who is an outsider in your life. I would not be freed from certain things, or have a better perspective on my life, without the wisdom of my counselor. I'm being honest about this, because I think everyone could benefit from counseling. I'm not shy about my experience with it, since it's been a wonderful thing for me. Do it! You'll learn so much about yourself, and get a deeper understanding of your world. And you know what, it doesn't mean you're crazy. In fact, some of the smartest and wisest people are know, have spent time in counseling.
12) Friends Who Know You And Still Love You Are Hard To Come By, But Keep Them Close When They Come Around
I'm grateful for the friendships I have in my life. Old and new. I love my old friends, because we have history, great memories, and sense of familiarity that is so comforting. I love my new friends, because of their timely entrances into my life, and shared perspective for this season- and hopefully lots of seasons to come. I'm thankful for some lovely ladies I call friends.
13) Boundaries Are Painful, But There's More Pain If There's No Boundaries
This is one of my biggest lessons from this year. Analogy I heard: Boundaries are like a guardrail on a highway. Guardrails are there to keep you from falling off the cliff, so without them you'd be in trouble. But, even guardrails leave bumps and bruises if you hit them. At least you won't plummet to your death, though.... Sometimes setting up strong boundaries can leave some bruises and scratches on you, or others. Changing the way you do something means you may be misunderstood, and are lonely, and people may be confused or frustrated, but the resolve and inner strength you receive after you've followed through, is something you won't trade for anything. Boundaries hurt, but they also save.
14) What Christ Did For Me Has Set Me Free.
REALLY Set Me Free
April 22nd marked that realization for me- I could write a lot about this, but I'll keep it short, and say that I was internally shifted on Good Friday of this year. For the first time, I felt what I had said I believed for years. Not that I was living a lie up until April 22nd, 2011, but the depth of my understanding changed that day. Without trying to sounds preachy, I'm telling you, people, Christ beautifully changes your life; he is worth knowing.15) I'm More Creative Than I Thought
This isn't a braggy statement, or "pat myself on the back" time, but, you are allowed to take pride in the work you've done, and like the end result. Whether it's our remodel project, or being writing about something that inspired me, I have found that I have more inside me than I knew. My creativity has been awakened this year, and I love that I've discovered some nitches about myself.
16) I'm Highly Sensitive
This could be an entire month's worth of posting, but the jist is that being Highly Sensitive is a personality trait. It's not sensitive in a negative way- which is so commonly assumed. It's more that I am affected easily and deeply by my environment and relationships. Obvious pluses and minuses come from this, just as in any personality trait , but let me tell you, this was probably one of the largest discoveries I made this year, and it helped me articulate my needs SO much better, and validate much of how I was feeling. Check out more HERE. It's quite fascinating, and was revolutionary to me.
17) Creation, Nature, Majestic Animals, And The Beauty In This World Moves The Depths Of My Soul
All of those things bring me back to the place where I feel most free, most myself, and most whole. They are such beautiful reminders to me that there is something bigger watching over me, and caring for me with great detail. 18) Seek Wisdom From Solid People;
People You Trust And Know You Well
Their perspective is worth more than gold- I've been blessed beyond measure to have some really good perspectives in my world. You can't care what everyone thinks, you just have to care about what the right people think.
19) It's Hard To Be Patient
When your kids fight, demand, and need, need, need, and deplete you of your energy, it's hard to be patient. I've learned how impatient and snappy I can really be. A good and hard realization. Something that I will be working on even more in the coming year. Hey, you can't change what you don't acknowledge, right?
20) I've Learned The Power Of A Great Story
Putting imagination to words, and bringing concepts to life is an art. I am moved by a good story. I feel like a kid again, in love with, and in appreciation of great stories.
21) Grace Is So Important
Give grace to others, give grace to yourself. Both are equally important. Grace changes your perspective about people, and yourself. When you know you need it yourself, you more readily give it to others. It's quite a concept.
22) Forgiving Does Not Equal Forgetting
Not forgetting, doesn't mean bitterness, or that you are still holding something over someones head. Sometimes we need to remember what has happened, so we don't repeat it again. A gift to all. Forgetting can actually be a foolish and dangerous thing- and it's actually called denial. Our brains don't forget.
23) Comparing Is An Ugly Thing
It's an issue my heart is working through. It robs you of your joy, your uniqueness, and the good things in your life. Celebrate you, and celebrate the beauty and uniqueness in others. Encouraging/complimenting someone else, doesn't minus that in yourself- wise words from my counselor.
24) The More I've Learned, The Less I Actually know
I feel the most peaceful I've ever felt in my whole life- My faith has taken a serious 180 these last few months, and I'm glad. Truthfully, the more that I've sought out answers to my questions, the more I realize how little I know and will have the answers too. God, and the questions surrounding him are sometimes (well, often actually), unanswerable. I'm ok sitting in the mystery, and somehow, that mystery brings me peace and keeps me going. Such a strange and lovely paradox.
25) In Whispers I Hear, "Just Live."
A call to live in my uniqueness, in confidence in who I am, free of fear and anxiety, and in deep peace that only the love of Christ can bring. Those words have never been more real to me than they have this year. I'm learning to "just live" and be free.
26) My Main Concern Is The Present
To live in this day, in the "now," and to love as best as I can today. Do I suck at it some days, absolutely. Do I worry and fear often, yes. But, that's why I'm grateful for new days and new starts.
27) I Like Who I am
I'm not perfect. I am not all together. I fail miserably at being a good mom and wife some days. But, at the end of the day, I feel good about who I am, who I am becoming, and who I've been created to be. It's a really beautiful place.
"It's not about what you do. It's about who you are."
That statement has brought me more comfort, joy, and peace than anything. See, knowing who you are is the key, because from that knowledge, your actions, speech, and thoughts overflow. This year has been a of discovering of who I am. I'm grateful beyond words for what I know about myself now, that I didn't know a year ago.
I feel free. I feel loved. I feel taken care of. I feel joy. I feel peace.
I feel like 27 is the start of something good.
Thanks for letting me share my journey with you.
It's an honor.
