Behind Every Face

Behind every face, there is a set of  experiences, events, and moments that have shaped who they are right now.

We are all a product of our past. The good things, the hard things, the things we've overcome, the things we still need to be healed from, and maybe we're even a little product of the hope we are holding onto for our future.

Every single person you encounter is on some sort of journey, path, or road. 

Every single person you encounter has a story. Even the people you get so frustrated by.

You probably have a story of your own.

There is always, always, always, far more to a person than just what you see in front of you. Our lives are unfolding by the minute, and therefore, we should treat others as such; taking into consideration, that maybe who someone is, how they act, and how they speak, is bigger than the present- because we know that to be true of ourselves, right?

-Have you ever been misunderstood, thought to be one way when really you're another, had things assumed about you or your situation? Yes? Me too. And you know what? It sucks. 

-Have you ever done that to someone else? Misunderstood, assumed, and projected what you thought was the truth about them or their situation? Yes? Me too. And you know what? That's pride. Ugly, nasty, pride. I'm as guilty as they come.

See, we don't know the depth of everyone else's story. We don't have a right to make assumptions about reasons, intentions, or motives of others, without knowing them a little. Rather, we have the responsibility to engage with those in our lives, and those we encounter, with respectful inquisition, gentleness, and grace- assuming nothing until we hear their story. And if we never hear their story, we treat them as if we had. As if we understand that the unknown depth of them carries more than just what we see. 

When you are willing to hear someone else's story, whether about their life, or a certain situation, I have found things become less fuzzy. Pieces fit together much better, and the assumptions I held were wrong. Really wrong. 

We know so much less than we think we do. We have so much less information about people than we think we do, and have no right at all, to make judgements about others. A lesson I've been learning this last year. 

If we viewed every person or situation as an opportunity to show grace, compassion, gentleness, and genuine understanding, I imagine that our perspective would deeply change. 

EXAMPLES:

You know that girl who has cuts all over her arms? She's probably been abused her whole life and is just trying to cope with the pain.

You know that guy who seems like an arrogant, jerk? He's probably overcompensating because of his deep insecurity, stemming from the fact that he's never felt good enough.

You know that kid who is misbehaving in the store, that you think just needs to shut up? He/she might have medical, or behavioral problems, that make it challenging to thwart "unacceptable" behavior. Or he/she is a normal kid- and guess what? Kids are loud, and rowdy sometimes, and that's ok. The adults are uptight.

You know that single mom in your neighborhood? She's probably not a slut. No single mom that I know has ever made the choice to raise her kids alone, because that was her dream. Unfortunately, it's often because she was in an abusive relationship, her man left her, or she made a brave decision to give her kids a better life.... And you know what? Even if she does sleep around, and has kids as a result of that, doesn't that show you the amount of pain she is in? There's a story there too, you know? I also don't know any girl who dreams of having a million sexual partners and not being cherished by one of them. There's a story there, there's pain there.

You know your gay co-worker? You're just as "sinful" as you're accusing him/her of being for living a "homosexual lifestyle," when you speculate about their life. As if sexual orientation should ever define a person, anyway. It's ludacris. Maybe they were abused, or maybe, just maybe, this whole "gay" thing, actually has some biological components. All I'm saying is we don't know, so stop standing on a soap box about those who are homosexual.

My bottom line is this. Stop assuming. Stop with preconceived notions, and start showing compassion. It's hard, especially when it's so easy to make up your mind about someone or something without actually talking to them, or being willing to hear the truth. But just try. You'll start to see the world differently, you'll start see people differently, and most of all, you'll start to see yourself differently. When you can see yourself as no better, or worse than someone else, and see your own need for hope, compassion, and grace, it makes it easier to give those things to others. 

I'd love to say that I have this down, but it's a process. It's a mental shift that takes time and practice to acquire, and I'm no where near "there" yet.  Much of life, though, and the things we learn, are about the process. So here's to the process and hope for a continued changed perspective in us all. And here's to our stories; that they would compel us to grace, gentleness, and compassion toward others.