If you handed me three tennis balls, and told me to juggle them, they would end up on the floor in all corners of the room.
Likewise, if you told me that I needed to be the kind of woman who, simultaneously, has a career, perfectly well-behaved kids, cooks from scratch, exercises daily to have the most in-shape body, has beautiful flower pots for the world to "ooh and aah" over, is devout in her faith, AND has a great marriage, I would tell you that you can just expect that none of those things will ever happen all at once. Each thing would end up splattered in all corners, none being perfected/done well, and I'd be in a corner too, crying because I feel so overwhelmed.
Who comes up with this stuff anyway?! How is having a million things on your plate the ultimate definition of success as a woman? I mean, if you are the type of woman who truly can do all of those things, and do them well, then more power to you, but I am not that type of woman, and I hardly feel that being a professional life juggler, should be the pinnacle of success. I am easily overwhelmed, can only manage about two of the above things really well, and honestly have no desire to cook, garden, or have a career right now. I feel like keeping my kids alive, and trying to love my husband well, is about all I can focus on. And that's ok.
The problem is, we are told that in order to be a well-rounded woman, doing 547323457543 at once is essential. Therefore, we end up competing against other woman, saying "yes" to things that we would have never enjoyed in the first place, and taking on projects that we hate, just to prove that we are that kind of women. We become exhausted, critical of ourselves and others, and still unfulfilled at when the day is over, because we are doing things we dislike, to show off to woman we don't even want to truly be like. It's crazy!
I have been a victim of that crazy cycle from time to time, and it leaves me empty, disappointed, and feeling inadequate- like I said, I am not a good juggler. It took me years to figure out why I like a slower pace better than a fast pace, and am discovering that that's entirely ok. In fact, it's best. I am most myself if I am not overwhelmed or feeling like I have way too much to keep track of. I enjoy and thrive well, with simple and less. The more I pile on, the more of a wreck I become, and/or the more things fall through the cracks. Why then, would I possible do more, when I know that I won't do it well? It's so silly. My definition of success, is managing what I am capable of, really well. Even if it's two things. I'd rather do two things well, then 65 things, decently.
So, what's my anecdote to comparing or the juggling war? -my attempt, at least.
1) Instead of focusing on the things I can't/don't do well, or adding too much to my plate, I'm trying to ask myself, "What do I do well?" Truthfully, I've struggled to answer this question in entirety, because it is a shift in perspective, but I want to own the things that I am really good at. Some woman are great at juggling, some are good with a few things. I want to focus on what I do well, and cling to that.
2) I want to, and am trying to be better at encouraging other woman when I like something they've done. One of the best things I've ever heard is that just because you give someone a compliment, or word of encouragement, it doesn't subtract anything from your talents and gifts. I want to be better at giving words of life, freely.
3) I'm trying to change my complaining into thankfulness. Rather than say "I wish this..." I want to remember the things I've discovered I do well, and be grateful I am strong in those areas.
4) Be the best ME, and don't try to be better than someone else. Compete with myself, not others.
Here's a start: Though, I don't juggle much well, I am a loyal friend. I love deeply and have rich, meaningful relationships.
A word of encouragement to a lovely lady out there- Mackenzie, from "life of a pint-sized mama" is a fun, spunky, and awesome mom blogger. She has a great perspective, and has been gracious and generous to use her blog as a platform to help other bloggers. She is a great example of someone who is using her voice for good and positivity. Go check out her blog!
Today I'm thankful that I get to be home with kids. They have both been a little under the weather, and I am so grateful I get to be the one to take care of them.
If you are good at doing a million things at once, that's great, but for those don't want to, or it isn't their forte to do a bunch at once, that's equally great. Do what you're good at, as little or as much as that may be.
What's your anecdote to comparing? What do you do well?
Go be YOU today! You're pretty awesome, after all.
~Jessica
~Jessica
Jessica,
ReplyDeleteEvery time I stop by your blog your words speak to me... "What do I do well" has been the question of the week, I've spent countless hours of prayer seeking the answer and I feel like God just used you as a messenger... It's okay to let go! For whatever reason I needed permission. Thank you!
Ahh, so good friend!
ReplyDeleteI grew up always thinking I had to be that way and seriously would not tell anyone when I was hurting or struggling. Just in the last year I have been able to let go more and realize that it is actually more healthy to not even try to look perfect. I was just telling Sean a few weeks ago that any person who acts like she has things 100% together is just not a person I can be friends with... how are you supposed to be vulnerable to a person like that? When an image of perfection is what you project, there is inevitably something lurking below the surface.
I think accepting what you don't excel at can be so liberating and in turn help you get even more confidence in the areas that you do.
I go through having these feelings a lot. I have to constantly tell myself that I cannot do it all and I have to focus on what's important right now. So my house is a wreck 99.9 % of the time but I have time for my family. I also shy away from making commitments. I've found that a lot of those things take away from the little bit of free time that I have (since I work full time as well). It's a struggle but we all feel this way at times.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Love the new design!
ReplyDeleteAngela~ You words are so humbling. Thank for your thoughtfulness and encouragement. I hope and pray that you are able to find what you do well, and thrive there, and figure out the balance between it all!
ReplyDeleteAndrea~ As I was reading your comment, I was "amen-ing" at every sentence. I think it's really hard to say, "I don't how to do that," or "I can't do that" because I feel like there is unspoken expectation that as woman, you have to be able to do it all, which makes it so painful at times, to say you aren't able to do something...I completely, 100% agree, that anyone who seems like they have the perfect life, is working really hard to hide something, or just under the surface, disaster is waiting. I, too, couldn't be friends with someone who is like that either, because how would ever feel like you could be yourself? That's why I like you so much! You're honest and perfectly imperfect :) The bottom line is that no one has it all-together, and no one does every single thing well, so own what you do well, and own what you don't. You said it perfectly, it's SO liberating to know the difference and focus on your strengths. Love you friend!
Nicole~ I SO applaud you for learning how to not over-commit yourself and choosing your priorities so you can take care of yourself. I think it's tough to figure out how to balance house, family, and taking care of yourself, but it's so important, and it seems like you're doing that! Good for you! ...And thank you so much for compliments on the new design! You're so sweet!