Identity Games- Part two!
Did you ladies like mine and Jenny's posts from yesterday?
If you're just joining us, click here and here to see what this "Identity Games" blog series is all about.
Jenny touched on this yesterday, but we're hitting on it big time today.
Did you ladies like mine and Jenny's posts from yesterday?
If you're just joining us, click here and here to see what this "Identity Games" blog series is all about.
Jenny touched on this yesterday, but we're hitting on it big time today.
We are so critical of ourselves, and let those negative words and thoughts define us.
Well, here's another "game" that we play. The "flaw" game.
Here's a few questions...
Would you say that there are certain parts of yourself you're uncomfortable with?
Are there parts of your body that you like to cover up or tweak, if you can?
Or how about even beyond anything physical, is there a part of your personality or internal make-up that you struggle with?
Well, I will be the first to tell you that I answered "yes" to all of those questions.
So, in the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, let me tell about two of my biggest "flaws."
1) I have had two kids. I don't know many moms that have absolutely fallen in love with their post baby bodies. I know I'm not in love with mine. You can hear all the cliches in the world about how "stretch marks are your pregnancy battle wound," or that they are "a beautiful reminder of the sacrifice you've made for your kids" ... blah. blah. blah.
I'm sorry, my reminder that I've had kids is the fact that they are right in front of me, with me 24/7, I do everything for them, and I hear "Mommy" every 5 seconds.
Do I really need stretch marks down my sides, inner thighs, boobs, and stomach to remind me what I've gone through it, as well?
Couldn't the kids themselves be enough?
Well, apparently that's not how it works. Our bodies rarely go back to their pre-baby form, and we are left with what feels like gashes on our bodies that we have to live with the rest of our life.
I don't care if they are big or small, bright red, or flesh colored.
Stretch marks suck, and I'm not fond of mine.
I would do it all over again to have my kids, and that's the truth, but it doesn't
mean that I'm excited to look at them every day.
You haven't babies, you say? That doesn't mean you can't feel this way. For me that's just when my body drastically changed, but I have friends who have had body changes simply because we're getting older. Really, it's doesn't matter if you have a baby or not, you can
love and hate your flaws just the same.
My body is so far from what it was 10 years ago, it's not even funny.
What is funny though, is that even was I was a skinny little thing in high school, I was critical of myself then, too. Not horribly, but I definitely was aware of how I felt about myself.
I look back on pictures and say, "I had nothing to complain about- what was I thinking?!
We're so hard on ourselves all the time!
I guess the moral of this first point, is that maybe we're all more alike than we actually think. More woman are the rule to this scenario, than the exception. The exceptions are not the bar, and we need to remember that. The only way I know how to stand my stretch marks, is not to deny that they are there, or try to ignore them, but to simply acknowledge that they are there, be grateful that my body was even able to host two kids in the last few years, and choose to wear things that I feel great in/accentuate the parts of myself that I really like.
Those stretch marks aren't going away, so instead of hating that part of my body,
I'd rather focus on what I can change and control.
That's why I like coloring my hair, putting on make-up every once and awhile, and painting my nails. It shifts my thoughts. It takes the negativity I have towards certain parts of my body, and puts my attention on the parts that I like.
2) I am an introvert. I get more energy from taking time to myself, than I do with a million people around. I prefer smaller groups, than larger ones. I hate loud noises. I'm easily startled, I'm sensitive to smell, I'm visually overstimulated very easily, I'm picky about textures, I'm really aware of, and affected by my environment, and I'm very easily overwhelmed.
I spent a lot of time wondering why internally, I would get such strong reactions to things and why I got overwhelmed at the drop of a hat. I chalked it up to motherhood, or fact that that's the way I've always been, but it wasn't making sense even with those explanations. I viewed those characteristics as something quirky, odd, or not normal, maybe even a "flaw" in my personality at times. I'm not saying that I hated myself or anything, I just didn't have the right resources and language until recently until to explain what I was feeling.
Well, it turns out, none of those things were feelings at all. I discovered that I am a "Highly Sensitive Person." It's a personality trait, not an emotion. It's how I was built and created.
Even though I still have strong reactions to certain things, and they can be frustrating to my husband, I can't change it. That's a huge part of who I am.
Once I found this out about myself and was able to articulate what was going on with me, I also found that there is another side to this coin. Though this trait carries all of the things I mentioned above, it also encompasses many of my strengths. Viola!
The reason I wanted to share those two pieces of me with you, is because I think it's safe to say that we all have something(s) about ourselves that we are trying to figure out, or that we simply don't like. In my mind, there's nothing wrong with feeling like you'd prefer a certain part of your body look different, but it's crucial that those things don't define us, as a whole.
They are a pieces of us, but not the entirety.
I think it's more important to look at ways to accentuate what you do love, or use your strengths where you know they are needed, then to be so angry and critical about what you can't change.
The other piece to this for me is to continually make sure that we, as woman, aren't openly criticizing and judging each other. I'm as guilty as they come, but it's not worth it.
The older I get, the more I realize how delicate we actually are, and for that reason, we need to give grace, love, support, and encouragement.
Even the most well intended gesture or comment can be a trigger for someone's pain.
Every single one of us has "flaws," but we also have stories of pain, discomfort, and confusion that go with those flaws, so drawing attention to someone's flaw
can actually be devastating, and down right rude.
I'm so grateful for a friend like Jenny, because she is a woman who embraces the skin and body she's in, laughs at the "flaws" she can't do anything about, doesn't let anything on the outside build her identity, and she encourages other woman to love themselves too. A primo example of someone who is living out, what I've been writing about today.
I wish there was a simple answer that would somehow allow us to snap out of focusing on our flaws, but there isn't. There's so much to be comfortable in your skin and mind, and all I can is that in my experience it's a process, and it comes in waves, therefore, always encourage each other, speak kindly, and never assume you know what you're talking about.
We are more than our skin, and we are more than our flaws.
Be sure to check out Jenny's awesome post for today! She's a good one, folks!
~Jessica
Well, here's another "game" that we play. The "flaw" game.
Here's a few questions...
Would you say that there are certain parts of yourself you're uncomfortable with?
Are there parts of your body that you like to cover up or tweak, if you can?
Or how about even beyond anything physical, is there a part of your personality or internal make-up that you struggle with?
Well, I will be the first to tell you that I answered "yes" to all of those questions.
So, in the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, let me tell about two of my biggest "flaws."
1) I have had two kids. I don't know many moms that have absolutely fallen in love with their post baby bodies. I know I'm not in love with mine. You can hear all the cliches in the world about how "stretch marks are your pregnancy battle wound," or that they are "a beautiful reminder of the sacrifice you've made for your kids" ... blah. blah. blah.
I'm sorry, my reminder that I've had kids is the fact that they are right in front of me, with me 24/7, I do everything for them, and I hear "Mommy" every 5 seconds.
Do I really need stretch marks down my sides, inner thighs, boobs, and stomach to remind me what I've gone through it, as well?
Couldn't the kids themselves be enough?
Well, apparently that's not how it works. Our bodies rarely go back to their pre-baby form, and we are left with what feels like gashes on our bodies that we have to live with the rest of our life.
I don't care if they are big or small, bright red, or flesh colored.
Stretch marks suck, and I'm not fond of mine.
I would do it all over again to have my kids, and that's the truth, but it doesn't
mean that I'm excited to look at them every day.
You haven't babies, you say? That doesn't mean you can't feel this way. For me that's just when my body drastically changed, but I have friends who have had body changes simply because we're getting older. Really, it's doesn't matter if you have a baby or not, you can
love and hate your flaws just the same.
My body is so far from what it was 10 years ago, it's not even funny.
What is funny though, is that even was I was a skinny little thing in high school, I was critical of myself then, too. Not horribly, but I definitely was aware of how I felt about myself.
I look back on pictures and say, "I had nothing to complain about- what was I thinking?!
We're so hard on ourselves all the time!
I guess the moral of this first point, is that maybe we're all more alike than we actually think. More woman are the rule to this scenario, than the exception. The exceptions are not the bar, and we need to remember that. The only way I know how to stand my stretch marks, is not to deny that they are there, or try to ignore them, but to simply acknowledge that they are there, be grateful that my body was even able to host two kids in the last few years, and choose to wear things that I feel great in/accentuate the parts of myself that I really like.
Those stretch marks aren't going away, so instead of hating that part of my body,
I'd rather focus on what I can change and control.
That's why I like coloring my hair, putting on make-up every once and awhile, and painting my nails. It shifts my thoughts. It takes the negativity I have towards certain parts of my body, and puts my attention on the parts that I like.
2) I am an introvert. I get more energy from taking time to myself, than I do with a million people around. I prefer smaller groups, than larger ones. I hate loud noises. I'm easily startled, I'm sensitive to smell, I'm visually overstimulated very easily, I'm picky about textures, I'm really aware of, and affected by my environment, and I'm very easily overwhelmed.
I spent a lot of time wondering why internally, I would get such strong reactions to things and why I got overwhelmed at the drop of a hat. I chalked it up to motherhood, or fact that that's the way I've always been, but it wasn't making sense even with those explanations. I viewed those characteristics as something quirky, odd, or not normal, maybe even a "flaw" in my personality at times. I'm not saying that I hated myself or anything, I just didn't have the right resources and language until recently until to explain what I was feeling.
Well, it turns out, none of those things were feelings at all. I discovered that I am a "Highly Sensitive Person." It's a personality trait, not an emotion. It's how I was built and created.
Even though I still have strong reactions to certain things, and they can be frustrating to my husband, I can't change it. That's a huge part of who I am.
Once I found this out about myself and was able to articulate what was going on with me, I also found that there is another side to this coin. Though this trait carries all of the things I mentioned above, it also encompasses many of my strengths. Viola!
The reason I wanted to share those two pieces of me with you, is because I think it's safe to say that we all have something(s) about ourselves that we are trying to figure out, or that we simply don't like. In my mind, there's nothing wrong with feeling like you'd prefer a certain part of your body look different, but it's crucial that those things don't define us, as a whole.
They are a pieces of us, but not the entirety.
I think it's more important to look at ways to accentuate what you do love, or use your strengths where you know they are needed, then to be so angry and critical about what you can't change.
The other piece to this for me is to continually make sure that we, as woman, aren't openly criticizing and judging each other. I'm as guilty as they come, but it's not worth it.
The older I get, the more I realize how delicate we actually are, and for that reason, we need to give grace, love, support, and encouragement.
Even the most well intended gesture or comment can be a trigger for someone's pain.
Every single one of us has "flaws," but we also have stories of pain, discomfort, and confusion that go with those flaws, so drawing attention to someone's flaw
can actually be devastating, and down right rude.
I'm so grateful for a friend like Jenny, because she is a woman who embraces the skin and body she's in, laughs at the "flaws" she can't do anything about, doesn't let anything on the outside build her identity, and she encourages other woman to love themselves too. A primo example of someone who is living out, what I've been writing about today.
I wish there was a simple answer that would somehow allow us to snap out of focusing on our flaws, but there isn't. There's so much to be comfortable in your skin and mind, and all I can is that in my experience it's a process, and it comes in waves, therefore, always encourage each other, speak kindly, and never assume you know what you're talking about.
We are more than our skin, and we are more than our flaws.
Be sure to check out Jenny's awesome post for today! She's a good one, folks!
~Jessica
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