Puzzles and Circles

One of my favorite things about Pinterest is all of the phrases and quotes that you can find. I'm a words gal, so I find myself "pinning" sayings quite often. A good quote can have me thinking and pondering for awhile. When someone can word something so eloquently, and articulate what I know and feel to be true, but didn't know how to put into words myself, I am deeply moved.

Words are so powerful.

That's why when I found this gem the other day I immediately
"repinned" it.  I've been thinking about it ever since.

I guess this can go back to the comparison post I wrote during the "Identity Games" series from earlier this month, but as I thought deeply about these words, I realized I'm thinking about a lot more when I read this quote.

Letting go of the idea or expectation of "perfect" is really hard. The quote is absolutely correct. But, what I've found is that living and striving to be perfect, binds you. It limits your creativity, your intellect, your possibilities, and your self-expression. I think every one's definition of "perfect" is different, because we all want different things, but the pursuit is the same in all of us. We strive to attain what we see as being "ideal" and put so much effort to becoming a certain way.
The problem with that is perfection is one-sided and generic. It's painfully never-ending.
If you are constantly pursuing a generic ideal, everything else that makes you, you, falls to the wayside. You become entrenched in the pursuit of something that doesn't exist anyway, and lose "you," since there's no such thing as perfect. 

I like that the author of this quote referred to becoming yourself as "work." You know why? Because it's absolutely true. You don't just all of the sudden know everything there is to know about yourself. You have to work for it, and at it.
You have to take the time to discover what's made you who you are up until this point in your life, and do lots of dissecting.
Have you ever done a puzzle? They take a lot of time to do.
I feel like we are puzzles, each piece representing unique parts of us- experiences that we've had, relationships in our lives, pain we've walked through, joy and hope that's propelled us, dreams, fears, aspirations, etc. All of those pieces of us have shapes, edges, dimensions, and colors of their own that need to be looked at closely to find where they fit in to the bigger picture of "self." When you take the time to do that with each piece, and start fitting them together one at a time, you get depth and perspective. As you discover each puzzle piece, you discover crucial parts to the whole picture.
I don't particularly enjoy doing puzzles, but even I know how much work goes into putting one together. Just like putting yourself together, It takes work to find each piece of our self and then put it in context to a bigger picture...but the bigger picture of "self" is beautiful. We all have depth, we all have experiences-puzzles pieces that help make up who we are, and unique to us. Putting yourself together requires a lot out of you, and will take a lifetime. But, don't let that scare you because being yourself brings wholeness, and freedom from the chains of perfection. It's absolutely liberating to love discovering "you" no matter how long it takes.
Each piece of your puzzle is colorful, and has profound meaning to your overall self.

You don't do a 1000 piece puzzle overnight. It's a process. You work in stages. You start on certain areas of the puzzle, then move to new parts as each section comes together. You can't just snap your fingers and magically have the entire puzzle finished. We're no different. Putting ourselves together is life long, and each thing we discover about ourselves builds on the other parts, and ultimately puts together a lovely big picture of "you."

But what would happen if you all you wanted to do was put together a puzzle of all gray circle pieces, because that's what you thought would make the final product look or feel the best? You would end up with a million circles next to each other that are all identical. They may make look nice and clean, but would ultimately just resemble an undefined, empty gray structure at the end.
The thing about a circle puzzle is that there are no edges, there's no way to ever know that you are complete. No one would ever create a circle puzzle. You can just keep stacking and stacking, and you'll never be creating anything other than gray circles.

This picture is a good illustration



Do you see those gaps in between the circles? See how the circles don't fit together in a way that creates a cohesive and seamless picture? Those gaps can represent the emptiness and loneliness you can still feel even when you are trying to create a perfect picture of "self." The pictures may look pretty and clean, but it actually doesn't fit together all that well.

The gray circles are obviously the idea and pursuit of perfection. You can keep trying this and that to achieve some final goal that you think will look great and symmetrical, but it's never going to end, and it's going to be filled with lots of gaps. There will always be someone or something else that requires you to put another circle on since perfection is always measured against someone or something external. Your puzzle will never be anything other than gray when you are searching for perfection externally versus becoming who you really are, and looking internally.
I love the puzzle picture below

A real 500 piece puzzle I found

It's a masterpiece. It's completely cohesive and seamless. There is dimension, color, vibrancy, depth, meaning, and most of all, there is a story.

. When all we do is put together a puzzle of "self" that consists of gray circles because that's what we see as "ideal", or seems easiest, there's no story, and no dimension, because perfect is boring. "Perfect" gray circles are everywhere, and there will always be more to pile on.
I want to be working towards finding and dissecting pieces of myself that exist within a grand scheme of who I am, instead of taking so much energy finding gray circles that are generic and everywhere. I always want to be willing to put in the work to "become myself."
I want to be that puzzle of the gorgeous fall trees.
We need each other, too. Sometimes a puzzle is more fun when you're doing it with someone you enjoy. Whether that's a friend, a spouse, or a family member, having people to do the puzzle with you gives you more eyes, and more wisdom as to where a piece goes and why.
We're not meant to do the puzzle of our life alone.

As anything else I've written and talked about, I'm preaching to myself first. This has been my journey the last year, especially, and it's been eye opening to me, so these words are coming from a place of encouragement and hope for you that you would experience the freedom in finding parts of yourself that put things in perspective a little bit more. AND a reminder to myself to keep pursuing me, and not empty ideals.

So get going already. Start becoming yourself.
~Jessica

Thursday Latelies- Leavenworth, Coldplay, and Peter Rollins

I had a great week, so it wasn't hard to
link up with BEX with so much to share!

We get to spend a lot of time together this week, because my video is long.

I'm long-winded, and you're my friends now, so it's totally ok :).

OMG- Have you heard Coldplay's new album "Mylo Xyloto?"
Do your ears a favor and get this album STAT!
I played, "Princess of China" and "Paradise" for you.
Thank you Rach and Jenny for posting about their album on the same day, so I could experience what you were experiencing. Good friends have good taste in music.

Potbelly Sandwiches are my favorite lunch time yummy. HERE is their website, so you can see it there's one near you. The link was being weird, so if you can't get to it, neither could I. It is their address though, so I'll keep checking to see if their website is up and running.
I have hunch they are mostly an east coast thing- sorry for plugging something that most you can't enjoy. As Jenny would say, "Rude."

Peter Rollins is an author, communicator, and speaker I'm really enjoying right now.
HERE is the link to his vimeo channel. I love the video entitled "Doubt." It's amazing.
Insurrection is his newest book. I'm finding it very thought provoking.

I'm proud of my Layla and how much she is growing. Below is the picture I showed on the video.

My love had a birthday last Saturday!

So we packed up for the day and headed to this little town...

The beauty on our drive over there stopped me in my tracks.

See for yourself below!

It was absolutely stunning when we got there, too. Almost unreal.

We had a blast spending the day together as a family.

I'm grateful for a husband who works so hard, provides for our family, and loves well.

He was easy to celebrate :).

Lots of love you all!

~Jessica

As Promised- Bobby's Delicious Chili

As promised, here is Bobby's delicious chili recipe.

There's nothing extraordinary about the ingredients, and it's not hard to put together, BUT sometimes the simple things are the best. Yes, that was a little cheesy- it just so happens to be true in this case.

My vision for you, if you make it, is this....

Cold day outside- possible gloomy, depending on where you live
No obligations to tend to 

You have time to spend with people you care about
Possibly a good movie or catching up on your recorded shows you have waiting
A yummy fall candle burning
Sit peaceful, don't devour, but enjoy every. single. bite.


Those "ingredients" make this already de-lish chili, taste even more heavenly.


Ingredients

2 Cans of Diced Tomatoes

2 Cans of Chili Beans- Whatever kind you like. We use "Bush's" Chili Beans

1 Can of Corn

24 ounces Guinness Stout- For Flavor. Alcohol burns out.

1 large handful of Cilantro

2-3 Jalapenos

2 Potatoes- We use the big russet potatoes

4-5 Chicken Breasts

Side: Cheddar Cheese
Tortilla Chips
Corn Bread

How To

You can use a crock pot or a large pot over the stove.
A crock pot takes a little longer to cook, but leaves your home smelling wonderful the whole day. Using a pot over the stove top is quicker.
Whatever your fancy!

1) Defrost the Chicken
-You may want to take it out to defrost a little while before your desired start time, otherwise the process could take a little longer.

2) Pour in the Guinness, Diced Tomatoes, Corn, and Chili Beans start
on a Low Heat
-We always do those first, because they are so easy to just throw right in.

4) Chop up the cilantro, jalapenos, potatoes, and chicken how you like them- whatever you prefer.
Then throw them in the pot!

5) Once all of the ingredients are in and stirred, turn to medium-medium/high heat,
and let it simmer until cooked.

Crock Pot: 2 Hours
Stove Top: 1 Hour

6) Dish Up and Enjoy!



I love my chili with lots of cheddar cheese (I mean lots) and tortilla chips.
Bobby loves his with cheese and cornbread.

What do you like?

Just writing this out makes me crave a bowl!
If you try it, let me know what you think!

Chili outside, chili in my belly- perfect combo!

Cozy Wishes
~Jessica

Thursday Latelies- Sometimes a Rant is Necessary

Annnddd another week has already flown by.
Let's link up with BEX, and do some Thursday Latelies!

I feel like I always have a lot running through my head, but I'm choosy about the things that actually come out. Well, this week you get a little rant from me. Maybe it's more like passionate thoughts being said out loud, but this is your heads up that I'm speaking my mind in this one!

Enjoy my random piece of hair sticking out...the entire video. Can you tell it annoyed me?




How to Handle Tough Emotions
-In my opinion, at least-

1) Sit in it
Don't deny what you are feeling. We were given our emotions to express and articulate. We are wired to feel. Don't just brush something off. Be ok with sitting in how you feel.

2) Sit WITH someone in it
If you're not  feeling yourself, but someone you love is, don't be afraid to hold someone's emotions with them. I'm sorry, but no one wants to hear cliche's and pat answers about "why" something happened, because at that point, it doesn't matter what happened, you're feeling what you're feeling no matter what. Fight the desire to try and find an explanation, and give empathy instead. Pat answers minimize emotions, and shuts down conversation. Being a presence, and saying, "I'm sorry, that really sucks," is much more impact  than saying, "Oh, God has something better!"
Who really knows that anyway?

3) Be Fine Without All the Answers
The more I learn, the less I know.
There is so much that we don't know, that when we give "matter of fact" answers to "gray" issues, it can do more damage than good. I understand it's hard to have peace when there is uncertainty, but in the last few years I've found more comfort in accepting the mystery, than buying into ridiculous, disingenuous answers to complicated emotions and situations.

Just my two cents, on the issue of "fear of emotions" and responses to them.

Now the lighter stuff :)

NYC "Canal Street" Nailpolish

Fun color. Brownish Red, with more brown, and hint of gold-ish glitter.
To me, it's "all fall," and goes with lots of the fall colors I already love.




Redken Blonde Glam Conditioning Treatment

Calling all blondes! Does your hair turn brassy, like mine?
This conditioning treatment has kept my hair the shade that I like it for the last two weeks since I got my hair done, and I've seen zero fading or brassiness. Check it out if you are like me, and want to keep your blonde just how you like it!

Bobby's Delicious Chili

I know I said I would share the recipe, and I will. I thought it would be easier if I did a separate post, so it's the only focus. I promise I will post it before Sunday, so be on the look out!
BUT, here is a picture to hold you over until I post it.




Thoughts or questions about anything in the video today?
Email me at jmcadriel@gmail.com

Next Thursday should be a good one! I'll have Bobby's Birthday AND Pumpkin Patch pictures/fun to share with you, so be here!

Have yourself the best.week. ever.

~Jessica

Introducing Pentatonix and Afro-Blue

I love reality television singing competitions

 I get excited whenever I see previews for "American Idol," "The Voice," and "The Sing-Off."
Then I anticipate them each week after they debut.
All three shows have a uniqueness to them that I really enjoy. I will admit that I think "American Idol" has gone so mainstream, that sometimes there are parts that bug me, but overall, it's still a great show. 

I really hope they decide to bring "The Voice" back for another season, because I thought it was such a creative spin on a singing contest, plus Adam Levine. Wowza.
Ok, back on topic, Jessica.

This brings me to the "The Sing-Off." It's currently airing on Mondays on nbc.
What an absolutely ingenious concept for a show.
Have you heard of it, or been watching it?
Quick Synopsis: 16 acapella groups compete for a record contract.
There's no instruments, only voices.
In-cred-i-ble.

Here is why "The Sing-Off" is one of the best things on televisions right now.
You can you can be a reality television star, and be a "no talent ass clown."
("Office Space" quote. Not my words, but oh so fitting).
People become famous for nothing other than their looks, clothing, and the drama they have in their life. I'll admit that I have been a reality tv show junkie, and enjoy watching the silliness in others' lives. I'm rethinking my reality tv intake, but that's a different post.
Then there is a show like "The Sing-Off" that redeems reality tv and proves that good television does still exist.  In an industry where "sex sells," this show doesn't do anything of the sort. It gives you singers with the most real, and raw talent there ever was. There's no frills or tricks, you only get on this show if you are good at what you do. There is not a single person who walks across that stage, that isn't gifted. THESE are the kind of shows that are worth watching.
There is something so beautiful and mind-blowing about watching
these groups perform. They are being showcased for their hard work, not their wardrobe, and for their pure talent, not the conflict or craziness in their life.
For that reason alone, I love this show.

Maybe I also really like this show because I feel like I'm getting to live vicariously through those singing, since I miss doing that myself. Either way, you can't watch this show and not be reminded that there is good in this world. I'm telling you, music does that. It shoots through you and reaches straight for your heart- even more....your soul. There's nothing like an amazing song or voice, to do the shooting.

The entire reason I wanted to do this post was to show you a few videos of the two groups I'm rooting for. Even if you don't watch the show, just watch these video and appreciate
the amazing talent these groups have.

Pentatonix
"ET"- Katy Perry

Seriously, this guy. You wouldn't expect the kind of voice that comes out of him, but his is my favorite male voice of the competition. Check out the ridiculous riff he does in his voice right around 1 minute. What? Who does that?!



Afro-Blue
"Put Your Records On" Corinne Bailey Rae
The girl who takes the lead in this song has one of the most beautiful, smooth, and delicious voices a lady jazz singer could have. She does more than do this song justice, she owns it.
(the words and picture is backwards- it's all I could find on youtube right now. You get the gist.)




Afro- Blue
"American Boy"- Estelle




I've probably replayed these videos a million times each. I'm hooked!

You can watch these videos and be reminded that there are still talented people out there that the television industry is willing to showcase. Just when you think entertainment is getting ridiculous, in walks "The Sing-Off."

Now go sing in the shower or your car :)
~Jessica

Yellow and Gray Make My Day

I wish you could all have come over today to enjoy the amazingly gorgeous day we had. I mention in my video how perfectly fall today was, but obviously, I couldn't take you on a tour myself, so here is a picture for you, to start us off.

Gorgeous, huh?!

Ok! It's time to link up with BEX and share the things we're loving this week.
I'm liking mustard. Not on my sandwich, though; in my closet.
Check it out!

Before I give you the links to all the things I talked about, I just had to share this picture.

Seriously, where did my baby go? I looked at the picture for the first time yesterday and just about lost it. Bobby and I both said, "She's ours?" What a beautiful little lady we get to have in our lives. We feel truly blessed.

Onto this week's fun items!
Bummer I couldn't find my scarf online to link for you. But, HERE is another scarf about the same color that would probably be lovely lovely.

Lame! My gray and yellow sweater is "out of stock" online. HERE is a link to a similar sweater that I like. But that gray and yellow sure is my fave right now. So sorry about that!

St. Ives has a great Apricot Scrub that my face is enjoying a lot! Use it with Pond's Rejuveness Cream and I think you'll like the results!

I'm enjoying every bite of the Salami and Provolone pizza we keep making. Click HERE for the recipe, and let me know what you think of it!

Shout out to Melina Dennis for doing my hair! I love it. She's got a great blog. Check it out HERE.

You know how I said "Tommy" - the actor that Layla drew, was "dreamy." (and by "dreamy," I mean classic nineties, power ranger, "dreamy.")
Let the picture below, speak for itself.

Thanks to Jenny, for such an awesome week of doing the "Identity Games" series.
I'm looking forward to teaming up again!
Check out our blogs to catch up, if you'd like!

Lastly, I just wanted to say thank you, again, for all of your kind words, support, and encouragement this past month for the Verity Mom contest. I am definitely disappointed today, but not defeated. I'm grateful for such amazing people in my life to walk with me through new journey's and risk taking.
Thank you.

~Jessica

The 5 "Rs" of Taking Care of Yourself

The Identity Games: Taking Care of Yourself

Wow, this has been such a week of learning, growing, and good reminders for me.
Jenny and I thought it would be great to end this series on positive note, one of encouragement and hope, so we are going to be talking about taking care of yourself.

I feel passionately about this topic, because it's very personal to me.

To start I'll give you a little background on my story...

I've mentioned before that I have a lot of anxiety, and have dabbled with depression. Those two struggles for me have come about full force in the last two and half years. Looking back, I think that I have always been anxious and easily panicked, but never had I experienced the intensity of my anxiety more than I have in the last few years. There's a lot of factors to the timing and reasons why things reared their head when they did, but the bottom line is that I had a rude awakening that unless I start taking better care of myself, I was not going to get through my seasons of anxiety. I had to start learning my triggers, putting pieces together, and most importantly, I had to learn how to prevent my anxiety from flaring as much as I could, by taking care of myself. It has been a tough journey, and LOTS of trial and error with figuring out what I really need, but I feel like I've figured a few things out. I wanted to take this post to tell you the five ways that I now try to take care of myself, and how they've helped me become stronger, more well-rounded, and gotten me through some of the most intense times of my life.

Regardless if you suffer from anxiety or not, isn't the point. The point is that no matter who you are and what your life looks like, everyone needs to take care of herself no matter what your story is. Each way of taking care of yourself, that I'll explain, may take different forms and be manifested differently in each of us, but I believe that the bottom line of each thing listed, is what matters.

Here are the 5"Rs" to taking care of yourself...

REST

We live in a culture that says you have to go non-stop, juggle a bajillion things at once, and work until the job is done. Taking a break is not an option, and busy is better. 

I cannot live like that. I have found that when I don't get the rest I need, I am horrible mother and wife, and get super anxious. Feeling fatigued is an anxiety trigger for me. This lady needs lots of rest. Sometimes that's sleeping, and sometimes it's just sitting down watching a show or reading a book, but I need my rest. I've realized that we don't give ourselves permission to rest enough. We feel guilty if we say we need a break, and we're told we are lazy or unproductive if we don't accomplish a trillion things in one day. I say that's bologna. We can't do things well, be thoughtful, have good judgment, or function at our best, if we don't rest.
So, I've given my permission to ask for the rest I need, sleep when my kids are napping, and go to bed early if I need to...AND to not feel guilty for it. I tell you, resting, and not feeling guilty about it, is incredible. When I wake up or finish whatever "resting" is for me that day, I feel like a whole new person, ready to take on whatever is in front of me.
Don't feel guilty for resting. Pause, slow down, and quiet your world for little bit.
I promise it's ok, and that you'll be better for it.

REGULATE

Funny how I just talked about how I over-indulge with my eating out of comfort in my last post, and now I'm going to talk about regulating what you eat. I promise this will make sense, though.
I used to eat huge lunches, with just as big of a "sweet" on the side. It could be oreos, ice cream, cookies, anything. I just LOVED my sweets. I would crave it in the afternoon big time. Well, when I started to get bad anxiety, I started to feel really panicky after I would eat my lunch. I finally went to the doctor about my anxiety, and she warned me about eating sweets in the afternoon, and to be aware of getting the "munchies." It didn't take me long to realize that I needed to cut out any kind of sugar in the afternoon, since having something sweet in the afternoon became a trigger of anxiety for me.
I've never been more grateful for that knowledge. For two years I have cut a lot of sugar out of my diet from the time I wake up until after dinner. For some reason, sweets at night doesn't bother my system, and that's the only time I have them, but anytime before that, the sugar messes with me really bad. It ended up being such a good thing to know because I got pregnant with my son shortly after I cut sugar out, and it significantly helped the health of my pregnancy. Losing weight was absolutely NOT the goal, I just wanted to feel normal again, and not get panicked and anxious at the drop of a dime, but I did end of losing about 10-15 pounds on top of post pregnancy weight, because I wasn't taking in as much sugar, but the main thing was that I started to feel a little more together, my son was likely much healthier, and I had a healthier outlook on my eating- at least the timing of sugar intake part :).

I'm not excited that it took anxiety to help me quit my "throughout the day" sugar craving, but I am grateful that it woke me up.
It's amazing how what you eat affects your body. I know I'm stating the obvious, but I am amazed at how real it's been for me in the last two years. I don't have perfect eating habits, by any means, but I've got this part down, for sure. My body and mind have changed, therefore, it needs different things. Listen to your body, and regulate what you eat and when. Don't deprive, just regulate. Have balance and know what makes your body feel gross, and what makes your body feel good.
Take care of yourself with what you eat.

REWARD
This is just as important as regulating. Sometimes it's the best when you treat yourself to something that you love. Whether it's yummy dessert, delicious meal, a pedicure, getting your hair done. It feel goods to reward yourself for accomplishments, long weeks, etc.
Sometimes it's even a good way to take care of yourself.
Don't be afraid to pat yourself every once in awhile and do something special for yourself.

RECHARGE

We are like a battery, we run and go, and run and go, but eventually we lose power and shut down if we don't plug ourselves in and recharge. This is a crucial part in taking care of yourself. Recharging can look like a million different things, because it's tailored to our personalities and our likes/dislikes. Recharging and resting can be similar, but the difference is the recharging doesn't necessarily have to be down time or quiet. It is for me, but I know that's not the case with everyone. Some people like to exercise, some like to read, some like to craft, some like to bake, some go to counseling, some like to do creative projects, some like to go to a sporting event, some like to play sports, some like time with friends, and some like to obsessively clean (*cough*me*cough*). It can even be a mix of lots of different things, but the point is that whatever gives you energy, and provides you the "recharging" you need, do it. Don't feel guilty about it. We all need time to do something that we love. I know I joked around with about cleaning, and that is true about me, but my favorite ways to recharge, are to go for a walk outside, have dinner/coffee with a good friend, and write. Those are things that I know to keep me going, and fill me up. Without those things, I would have hard time being  "on" all the time.
What do you do to recharge? Find it, and allow yourself the space to do it.

RETREAT

I am an introvert, and thrive off of time by myself, but even the most extroverted person needs time to just be alone. This is HUGE for me. I need time by myself, time to think, pray, ponder, sit still, and just be. I need to get away sometimes. I wish I could afford to send myself on a trip and get away for an entire weekend, but that's not the season of life I am in. Even though I can't escape to an awesome place alone, there are others ways I've learned to do that. Taking a walk all by myself, going to starbucks just to sit for awhile, asking to not be responsible
for taking care of the major kid stuff one night.
Whatever "getting away" and "retreating" looks like to you, it's important that everyone allows themselves the time to be alone, no matter what kind of personality you have.
Some need it more than others, but there's no exception; we all need to
be by ourselves sometimes.

I think of taking care of yourself as a cycle. Each "R" serves a purpose on their own, but all the "Rs" work great together. If you constantly doing each of these things, you are being proactive and preventative, instead of waiting for your breaking point. I believe practicing each "R" and committing to knowing yourself minimizes stress, fatigue, and irritability. 
I believe you end up feeling most yourself, and the most balanced.
The goal is to find your rhythm, and be able to read yourself, so you know what
you need, and can read yourself. 

Even with all my struggles of not getting enough sleep because of kids, over-indulging at night with my sugar, having a limited window of recharge time, and it being nearly impossible for me to take a long period of time to retreat, I still feel the most well-rounded I ever have.

Want to know why?

It's because I know myself better than I ever have before. I've taken a huge amount of time figuring myself out for this phase of my life- mostly because I was forced to, and I feel grounded because of that. Knowing what I need, has given me the ability to ask for what I need,
and in return, I'm, given what I need.
The awareness matters, knowing yourself matters, and taking care of yourself is non-negotiable.

The best things you can do for yourself, is take time for you. Contrary to how you may feel, or what you may have been taught, it's not selfish to know what you need and take it. In fact, it's self-less, because it allows you to come back with more energy and power to love those around you really well.

If I've learned anything in the last few years it's that our minds and our bodies are intricately connected and deeply intertwined. They work together, and we can't separate them.
I've been reminded of that this week too, as most of what we've talked about can be linked to how you are thinking. Our thoughts dictate our actions, and our actions define our life. The healthier our mind, the healthier our body. They go together, and cannot be separated.
All of the "Rs" are important alone, and different days/circumstances will allow for more and less emphasis to be put in certain areas, but overall, the "5 Rs" flow together. They are all connected. Our minds and bodies are connected. We need to nurture both and not feel guilty about it.

I think Jenny and I will do a recap post in the next few days to wrap everything up from this series, but I just wanted to say that I have loved blogging with Jenny and getting the opportunity to share our hearts about issues and ideas that really matter to us.

If you take anything from the whole week, I hope it's that you know are loved, you matter deeply, and you being "you" is more than enough; it's perfect.
Discovering, loving, and being yourself is the best thing you can for yourself and others.
Don't let anyone take the uniqueness that only you possess- especially yourself.
This world needs you.

Head over to Jenny's page, as she gives you her perspective on taking of yourself.
She is a class act, a woman who is confident in her own skin, loves deeply, and is a huge encouragement to others...including me. I'm so grateful to have gotten the chance to do this with Jenny, and am even more grateful for the awesome friendship we've developed. Thanks, Jenny! I love you!

If you want to catch up on the most recent posts click here and here.
You can also watch our intro videos, to this series, here and here, if you are just joining us.

It's been an absolute honor
~Jessica

Food is a State of Mind

We're back!

Thanks for your patience with us- well mostly me. Jenny was on top of it yesterday, and I had a busier than usual day, so she graciously agreed to wait for me to post. Thanks, Jenny!

If you want to catch up on our most recent posts click here and here.
If you are just joining us and want to know what this series is all about, you can watch our
intro videos here and here.

Here we go again!

As I am writing this, I am looking at the leftover pizza boxes I have on my counter from last night.
Bobby had a super long week, and I was out and about all day yesterday, so it just felt right to order pizza, catch up on our shows that we love, and hang out. To me that's always the perfect kind of evening. Yummy food, a good movie or show, and then some serious dessert. There is something about that combination that is more than just fun for me, it's almost ritualistic- my comfort, my way of unwinding from a long day or week. Honestly, that is the best kind of night for me.

Here's my issue though, I am an over-indulger. I think I just made that word up. I can eat huge portions of my favorite meals, and then I have no problem backing up my huge dinner portion with an unearthly amount of sweets- ice cream is my vice. I always say that my stomach has a separate compartment for dessert, because no matter how much I eat for dinner, I always have room for dessert.
The over-indulging is a hard habit to break, especially when it is attached to comfort, rest, and good feelings. That makes it nearly impossible for me to say no, because it brings me so much pleasure. I don't eat to just fuel myself, I eat because I enjoy food. Really really enjoy food.

Even though I know that over-indulging is a weakness of mine, I know there is another extreme.
It's self-deprivation: Never allowing yourself to enjoy a meal or yummy treat. Counting every single calorie for fear of adding a single ounce to your weight,
micro managing everything that you take in, then punishing yourself for it.
Though I have never struggled with this extreme, I've known those who have, and I know it has just as many roots to it, as over-eating does- it's just manifested differently.


Can I tell you one of my absolute biggest pet peeves? I really don't like when anyone posts on facebook about calories. "I ate this many calories, so I need to do this many hours of exercise," or "I'm going to regret all the calories I took in," or "____ only has ____ calories!"
It bothers me because the focus seems wrong or skewed.
Don't eat "it" if you know you'll feel guilty. Or eat "it" and give
yourself permission to enjoy what you're eating.
Please don't hear me saying that I think counting calories in itself is annoying. It can be a great to tool, to keep you aware of what you're taking in, which is important.
But, awareness and fretting/obsessing over calories is different.
What I am saying, is that kind of verbalization, to me, puts the focus in the wrong place. Obviously we need food, but somehow when the focus on eating food (or not eating food), just for weight management, to look a certain way, or even some sort of pride thing, alone, I think that's just as dangerous as over-indulging.

The hard thing though, is that culturally speaking, we are infiltrated with images like this....




And this...



And this...



 Those images tell us to deprive ourselves, and that a "perfect body" needs to look like this...



Would I love that body? Of course, just look at her.
But do I think it's realistic for me? No.
Nor do I believe that  picture should be
the standard for every woman.

What makes me so angry about these pictures is that they NEVER EVER focus on the emotional, mental, and spiritual part of a person. It's all geared toward a look, or a certain number. A number that is probably so outlandish to aspire to in the first place. I happen to believe, though, that the emotional, mental, and spiritual parts of a person are the most important, because THAT is the root of your relationship with food- and so many other things.
The idea of "skinny" being attached to happiness is ludicrous to me. "Skinny" isn't the root of happiness, in itself. Health should be the goal, and that is relative you, to your shape, to your season of life, and to your body. Health is not, and should not, be measured against someone else. 

Just like anything else, I think the food issue requires balance. If health is a whole-body experience, which I believe it is, than skinny means nothing if you have the wrong mentality. And likewise, it may feel great to have a comfort meal, but if it's a habit or the way to cope from
a long day all the time, that's also the wrong mentality.
Obviously when you swing to the extremes on the spectrum it can get dangerous. You know why? 

 Because what you eat is a state of mind. Food is attached to emotions and there are lots of intricacies to each extreme. When we shine light on our insides, you learn and discover why you do what you do, and begin to have more balance.
.
Therefore, I would suggest that the goal is to move from the far ends of the spectrum between self-deprivation and over-indulging , to the center, the place where you allow yourself to enjoy the things that you love to eat, but are conscious of what you are taking in, in ways that work for you and make sense for your body and for your life. NOT what anyone else's.
It is absolutely ok, and even lovely, to eat something that you enjoy so much, but pizza and ice cream every night, probably isn't the best idea. Just like it's perfectly ok to be aware and conscious of what you are taking in, but if you're beating yourself up for eating one little thing, then that's just as bad to me, emotionally and mentally, as over-indulging.

"Skinny" isn't the goal. Health is.
If you lose a few pounds because you are healthy- inside and out, that's great. But losing weight for the sake of being skinny is an awful goal, because remember "skinny" does not equal ultimate happiness and contentment. I wish there was more emphasis on nurturing the parts of us that are unseen. Our emotions, our feelings, our motives, our issues, and our strengths. When we start there, and not with a desired number for our weight, I think the food/body image issue, could be more balanced. Honestly, I believe that most anything we struggle with has to be dealt with on the inside first before we can even begin to change on the outside. Food and our relationship with it, is absolutely no exception to that idea.

I have a 4 year old daughter, and the last thing I want, is for her to have a mentality like this...

That image breaks my heart
I believe that girls learn what they do about food and body image from important people in their life. The more positive and healthy perspectives there are surrounding food, the less likely the chance of the above picture becoming a reality. It crucial we discover a good balance in ourselves, so we can model it for others.

This is all coming from someone who would need to continue working on it, herself. Yup, me. I am fully aware of the patterns that I can fall into of unhealthy eating. I go through waves, where I can keep my over-eating under control, then there are waves where I eat what I want, when I want, and don't think twice until I feel so gross and unhealthy, I'm forced to start reevaluating again. But like I said, the focus isn't about the over-eating, it's about the "why." I'm working on that one.

The food relationship is tricky one. The more that we can focus on health in an individual way, the healthier we'll all be.

Let's stop trying to be eating, and not eating, for "skinny," and start trying to be healthy from the inside out. Not the outside in.

Head over and read what Jenny's has to say about a food relationship. I know she has some pretty passionate thoughts on this topic of food.

We wrap up "The Identity Games" tomorrow, so stay tuned for the final posts!

Have a great Saturday!
~Jessica

Thursday Latelies- Pumpkin Perfection

What a great week this has been! After 4 days in a row of blogging, Jenny and I are taking a one day hiatus to do our usual Thursday Latelies. Let's link up with BEX and have some Thursday fun with us!

We will be back tomorrow and Saturday to wrap up "The Identity Games."

Click here and here to get caught up on yesterday's "comparison" post.

Just joining us? Click here and here to watch our intro videos about that purpose of this whole week.

Today was a cold, rainy, and cozy day. In fact, this whole week has been like that.

So naturally, I've done a few baking projects, because food tastes better when you're cozy. It's a fact.

AND I have an awesome opportunity. For a non-risk taker, I'm taking a risk.
I need your help, too!

Watch this weeks video for yummy food ideas, and to hear what my opportunity is.

I'm in the running to be the next "Verity Mom!"
I am so excited about this job.

This is an amazing blogging, encouraging other moms, and growing opportunity.

I'm applicant #4- go check out my application video and blog post. I'll post the video below as well.

Please support me by tweeting, facebooking, and leaving comments on my application page. I'll let you know if I am a

finalist, so you can support me by voting for me!

Thank you!!!

Ok, ready for some awesome recipes?!

The pumpkin bread I made was a hit! It tasted so good! I wish you could come over to my house and so we could have a piece of it together. Since that can't happen here is the recipe for you to try at your own home. It's easy, non-rising, and doesn't take a long time.

Ok, here is a picture of the AMAZING pumpkin cookies my friend, Leah Allen, graciously gave me the recipe for. Thank you, times a million, Leah, for letting the world experience the perfection that are your cookies! Seriously, if you make anything this week, make these cookies. You'll die. And go to heaven.

Pumpkin Cookies:

1 Cup Pumpkin

1 Egg

1 Cup Sugar

2 Cups Flour

1 Cup Butter

1 Tsp Baking Soda

1 Tsp Cinnamon

1Tsp Nutmeg

1Tsp Salt

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees

 Cream the butter and sugar. Add egg and pumpkin. 
Mix dry ingredients in separate bowl and add in progressively to wet ingredients.

Frosting:

3 Tbls Butter

4 Tsp Milk

½ Cup Brown Sugar

1 Cup powdered sugar

¾ Tsp Vanilla

Heat butter, milk and brown sugar in microwave until fully dissolved and LET COOL.  Add powdered sugar and vanilla.  Put on Cookies and ENJOY!
(Usually make a double batch of frosting)


Try some Goodearth Original Herbal Tea with two pinches of brown sugar.
The perfect compliment to anything pumpkin. Especially the cookies and bread, above. I'm loving this drink so much.


Black bean salad anyone? Easiest thing in the world. It's fresh, healthy, and absolutely delicious.

1 Can of Black Beans
1 Roma Tomato
1/2 of a Bell Pepper- chop up
Handful of Cilantro- chop finely
A dash of Cumin
A dash of Salt
Squeeze 1/2 a lime over the ingredients.


Enjoy!




Have a great week! Thank you in advance for your support in me becoming the next Verity Mom! I'll keep you posted.
See you tomorrow when Jenny and I continue "The Identity Games" series.

~Jessica

The Grass is NOT Greener

Identity Games: Day 3

If you want to get caught up from the last few days, click here and here, for yesterday's posts
If you're just joining us click here and here, to catch mine and Jenny's heart about this series.

Let's start today with a story...

There is a girl who, on paper, looks like she's done very little with her life except get married, had kids, and landed her and her family back in her parents "basement." Not exactly the picture of success in this worlds terms. She struggles with pinning herself against others who are her same age, and seem to be "further" in life, more secure, and more together than her. She's gone through a lot in the last few years from some huge relocations, discovering that she has major anxiety, and dabbling in the land of depression. In looking around her she feels like she should be doing more, be better at "xyz," and all together not good enough sometimes. She wonders if there will ever come a time in life where she'll be able to step into her own and feel "normal" again. She's feels deeply, thinks deeply, and processes deeply. She is very aware of what's around her, hence the reason she can be easily sucked into the comparison game.


I have started and restarted writing this post probably 5 times. For some reason conveying how I feel and how I struggle with comparing, has proven to be very difficult. Putting my thoughts together for this one, was challenging- maybe because I know deep down I am mostly talking to myself.

I don't know how to say this any other way, except that comparing is one of the biggest "identity games" I play as a woman, and it's also the thing I do that I hate the most.

Want to know why? It's because comparison is the thief of joy. Seriously. The more I focus on pinning myself against someone else's norms, tearing myself down for not having this, or having that, the more the peace and contentment I feel in my life gets stripped away.  Comparing is the number one thing to me that destroys relationships between women, especially if it's between a woman and herself.

Whether you are comparing lives, stuff, bodies, relationships, or talents, it doesn't matter. The bottom line is that you are minimizing the beauty in your life, and refusing to see how unique you really are. You have things that no one else does, and that's not in a "ha-ha" kind of way. I mean that in the most sincere way possible. You are designed to be no one other than you. I know it's not easy to push aside the ideals of what is normal, or that we're told normal is, but the truth is that normal is relative. Everyone's lives are specific to their experiences and stories. When we try to be like someone else, want what someone else has, or strive to look a certain way, we forget to factor in any sort of background to who or what you're comparing yourself. To me that changes everything.

Example 1:

Do you really want to look like the girl who has the "perfect body" if she's spent most of her life living in self hatred thinking she'll never look the right way.
Or more simply put, maybe she's 5 inches shorter than you and should weigh less and look different than you because she has a completely different body type than you.
You wishing you looked like her, means you would be the most physically unhealthy version of yourself you could possibly be.
Healthy is relative. Be healthy for YOU, for your body type, not someone else's.

Example 2:

Maybe Mr. and Mrs. "So and So" have a gorgeous house, perfectly manicured lawn, she looks like dynamite- she's had 7 kids and doesn't have an ounce of fat on her, and he is a serious player in a big business, and you find yourself comparing your life to theirs.
Little do you know that their marriage is in shambles, she's super controlling, and he's verbally abusive. Their kids try anything to get away from the house and want nothing to with their parents. The only reason she tries to look good is because she gets no attention and compliments at home, and is seeking it elsewhere. Her husband is so torn down at home, that he buries himself at work so he doesn't have to face the music at home.
Do you really really want that?

Remember the story at the beginning of the post?
That girl is me

All of those things are true about me, but let me tell you the about the other side. The side that I choose to focus on every second I can. The side that "paper" can't understand.

My husband and I have been together for 7 1/2 years. We've grown up together. He is my best friend. We got married young, then had kids young. All of this happened just a few short years after high school. Our children are healthy, happy, and seriously make our lives better. In the last few years, Bobby and I have had to make some really tough decisions about how, and where we were going to raise our family. That part hasn't been easy, but he and I are better because of the hard decisions we've had to make. Yes, we live in my parents' mother-in-law apartment, but you know why? It's because my parents are gracious, supportive, and love us dearly. Because Bobby is in school, money is tight, and I desperately want to stay home with my kids, my parents graciously remodeled their "basement" for us, so we could breath a little easier. Seriously incredible. So yeah, we live very close to my parents, but I have the most amazing support system within my reach. It's incredible.
In between the kids, I discovered that I had major anxiety. I won't even try to explain it right now, because sometimes there are no words, but my husband, though he doesn't fully understand what happens to me in those moments, has never left my side and does everything he can for me when I have an anxious day or even a bad panic attack. I also have a truly amazing mom, who will take a phone call from me anytime of day, just so I can talk through what's going on. Through going to counseling, one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life, I've been encouraged to write and take care of myself. Because of that awesome suggestion, I have found
nitches in myself that give me energy and help me be a better mom and person.
I've got people who love me, I'm the healthiest and most well rounded I've been in years, I have support at any moment I need it, and somehow when I focus on those things,
all the nasty comparing I do goes away.
Why would I possibly want anything else when I have the most
lovely things right in front of me.

I'd take my crazy, confusion, fun, and beautiful life over anyone else's, because it's mine.

Gratitude Changes Everything.

 Believe me, even though I am the most settled, content, and at peace I've ever been. This "comparison game" comes up and bites me on the butt sometimes. I think there will always be waves of that, and that's ok, but stop it as soon as you can, and remember that
the grass is never greener on the other side, because we all have struggles and issues. You hop the fence, you get a whole new sets of problems.


So it seems to me, the goal is to water the grass that you're standing on.
Wherever you are. Whatever you do. Water the grass your feet are on.
Be excited about what your eyes can see now, and don't focus on what you think is
behind your neighbors fence.

Be sure to read Jenny's thoughts on comparing today. They are really good!

Thursday Latelies tomorrow! Woo hoo!
~Jessica

Flawless- Nah!

Identity Games- Part two!

Did you ladies like mine and Jenny's posts from yesterday?
If you're just joining us, click here and here to see what this "Identity Games" blog series is all about.

Jenny touched on this yesterday, but we're hitting on it big time today.

We are so critical of ourselves, and let those negative words and thoughts define us.
Well, here's another "game" that we play. The "flaw" game.


Here's a few questions...

Would you say that there are certain parts of yourself you're uncomfortable with?

Are there parts of your body that you like to cover up or tweak, if you can?

Or how about even beyond anything physical, is there a part of your personality or internal make-up that you struggle with?

Well, I will be the first to tell you that I answered "yes" to all of those questions.
So, in the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, let me tell about two of my biggest  "flaws."

1) I have had two kids. I don't know many moms that have absolutely fallen in love with their post baby bodies. I know I'm not in love with mine. You can hear all the cliches in the world about how "stretch marks are your pregnancy battle wound," or that they are "a beautiful reminder of the sacrifice you've made for your kids" ... blah. blah. blah.
I'm sorry, my reminder that I've had kids is the fact that they are right in front of me, with me 24/7, I do everything for them, and I hear "Mommy" every 5 seconds.
Do I really need stretch marks down my sides, inner thighs, boobs, and stomach to remind me what I've gone through it, as well?
Couldn't the kids themselves be enough?
Well, apparently that's not how it works. Our bodies rarely go back to their pre-baby form, and we are left with what feels like gashes on our bodies that we have to live with the rest of our life. 
I don't care if they are big or small, bright red, or flesh colored.
Stretch marks suck, and I'm not fond of mine.
I would do it all over again to have my kids, and that's the truth, but it doesn't
mean that I'm excited to look at them every day. 
You haven't babies, you say? That doesn't mean you can't feel this way. For me that's just when my body drastically changed, but I have friends who have had body changes simply because we're getting older. Really, it's doesn't matter if you have a baby or not, you can
love and hate your flaws just the same.
My body is so far from what it was 10 years ago, it's not even funny.
What is funny though, is that even was I was a skinny little thing in high school, I was critical of myself then, too. Not horribly, but I definitely was aware of how I felt about myself.
I look back on pictures and say, "I had nothing to complain about- what was I thinking?!
We're so hard on ourselves all the time!

 I guess the moral of this first point, is that maybe we're all more alike than we actually think. More woman are the rule to this scenario, than the exception. The exceptions are not the bar, and we need to remember that. The only way I know how to stand my stretch marks, is not to deny that they are there, or try to ignore them, but to simply acknowledge that they are there, be grateful that my body was even able to host two kids in the last few years, and choose to wear things that I feel great in/accentuate the parts of myself that I really like.
Those stretch marks aren't going away, so instead of hating that part of my body,
I'd rather focus on what I can change and control.
That's why I like coloring my hair, putting on make-up every once and awhile, and painting my nails. It shifts my thoughts. It takes the negativity I have towards certain parts of my body, and puts my attention on the parts that I like.


2) I am an introvert. I get more energy from taking time to myself, than I do with a million people around. I prefer smaller groups, than larger ones. I hate loud noises. I'm easily startled, I'm sensitive to smell, I'm visually overstimulated very easily, I'm picky about textures, I'm really aware of, and affected by my environment, and I'm very easily overwhelmed.
I spent a lot of time wondering why internally, I would get such strong reactions to things and why I got overwhelmed at the drop of a hat. I chalked it up to motherhood, or fact that that's the way I've always been, but it wasn't making sense even with those explanations. I viewed those characteristics as something quirky, odd, or not normal, maybe even a "flaw" in my personality at times. I'm not saying that I hated myself or anything, I just didn't have the right resources and language until recently until to explain what I was feeling.
Well, it turns out, none of those things were feelings at all. I discovered that I am a "Highly Sensitive Person." It's a personality trait, not an emotion. It's how I was built and created.
Even though I still have strong reactions to certain things, and they can be frustrating to my husband, I can't change it. That's a huge part of who I am.
Once I found this out about myself and was able to articulate what was going on with me, I also found that there is another side to this coin. Though this trait carries all of the things I mentioned above, it also encompasses many of my strengths. Viola!


The reason I wanted to share those two pieces of me with you, is because I think it's safe to say that we all have something(s) about ourselves that we are trying to figure out, or that we simply don't like. In my mind, there's nothing wrong with feeling like you'd prefer a certain part of your body look different, but it's crucial that those things don't define us, as a whole.
They are a pieces of us, but not the entirety.
I think it's more important to look at ways to accentuate what you do love, or use your strengths where you know they are needed, then to be so angry and critical about what you can't change.

The other piece to this for me is to continually make sure that we, as woman, aren't openly criticizing and judging each other. I'm as guilty as they come, but it's not worth it.
The older I get, the more I realize how delicate we actually are, and for that reason, we need to give grace, love, support, and encouragement.
Even the most well intended gesture or comment can be a trigger for someone's pain.
Every single one of us has "flaws," but we also have stories of pain, discomfort, and confusion that go with those flaws, so drawing attention to someone's flaw
can actually be devastating, and down right rude.

I'm so grateful for a friend like Jenny, because she is a woman who embraces the skin and body she's in, laughs at the "flaws" she can't do anything about, doesn't let anything on the outside build her identity, and she encourages other woman to love themselves too. A primo example of someone who is living out, what I've been writing about today.

I wish there was a simple answer that would somehow allow us to snap out of focusing on our flaws, but there isn't. There's so much to be comfortable in your skin and mind, and all I can is that in my experience it's a process, and it comes in waves, therefore, always encourage each other, speak kindly, and never assume you know what you're talking about.

We are more than our skin, and we are more than our flaws.

Be sure to check out Jenny's awesome post for today! She's a good one, folks!

~Jessica